Warming Up to Intimacy as an Interabled Couple

Intimacy is an integral part of any relationship. For us, Cole & Charisma, exploring what form intimacy would take within our relationship was quite the adventure. We were surprised to find that for us it was much more than what one may think, taking a shape that we've enjoyed sharing with each other for over a year and a half. Here we'll share our journey toward intimacy.

Cole and Charisma

Our relationship started out so strong. From our very first date we clicked, we were comfortable, and we knew we were attracted to each other not just mentally, but physically as well. We were both nervous, however, as interabled relationships were very new for both of us. Neither of us knew exactly how to navigate intimacy, even though it was something we both wanted to explore. We found ourselves enjoying each other's company on dates, on the couch snuggling, holding hands at the movies...all of that was amazing. But naturally, it was a matter of time before one of us made a move.

The first time we kissed was amazing; something that neither of us will ever forget. It was so easy forgetting about everything, lost in the moment. And as is the natural course of any relationship, an innocent kiss became more; we couldn't get enough of each other. Before long we entered into a space of intimacy that we've chosen not to share details of publicly, although we're more than happy to share what has made intimacy work for us. There are three things we would recommend to anyone entering an interabled relationship for the first time, regardless of if you're a person with a disability or able-bodied.

Research, research, research!

We cannot stress this enough. You are not expected to know what to do from the outset, and resources exist out there for you to arm yourself as you work toward intimacy with someone. Neither of us had a clue what we were doing, which actually led to some scary moments and drove the point home to us that we shouldn't jump into anything in ignorance. Research also helps answer questions you may have about extensions of intimacy, like the potential of pregnancy. Again, very important information to have.

Communicate with each other!

This point is admittedly a bit more cliché as it pertains to relationship advice, but we've still found it to be extremely important to be forthcoming with each other, especially when it comes to our intimate lives. Nobody is a mind reader; you must talk to your partner about what you like or don't like, what you'd be willing to try or what is too much, and even if you feel things are moving too quickly or slowly. Being on the same page with the person you care for is critical to doing intimacy the right way.

Be open with each other and to trying new things

No matter how much research you did (or didn't) do, it's almost a guarantee that things are not going to go smoothly from the start; prepare for some trial & error. Openness is crucial throughout this process, because as things go wrong, other things will go right, and potentially what has been working becomes old news and you're ready for something new.

We are very lucky to both be people who love to research, communicate well (most of the time), and are generally quite open about things. From our perspective, we believe it takes both partners having these traits to have a successfully intimate relationship. However, it's important for us to note that we've found the most "intimate" moments with each other to not be constrained to physical intimacy. When we talk a walk by the river on a sunny summer day, or when we whisper quietly to each other in bed until neither of us can keep our eyelids open anymore, those are the moments we find to be the most special. And the amazing part of that is no matter who you are or what your circumstances or condition might be, you can share that intimacy with someone. With the right mindset and the right person, it's yours.

About the Authors

Cole and Charisma

Since the start of our relationship we've gotten a lot of questions about how we make things work not only as an interracial couple, but an interabled one as well. There are certainly differences, and despite them we have a great time, all the time! We started a video series on YouTube to bring people into our lives and our relationship to answer some questions about how we navigate the world with some of the behind-the-scenes stuff people typically don't see, and hopefully raise awareness surrounding accessibility and dating in a wheelchair. We're all about positivity, inclusion, and keeping a great attitude no matter your circumstances.

Most of the stories here on LiveQuickie.com were submitted by readers. Do you have a story to tell? We'd love to hear it. Submit your story here.

Date: 11/26/2019 12:00:00 AM

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